Tunnel View, Yosemite. April 2011.  Yosemite is probably my favorite place to be. There is a spot, off Tioga Rd in the Tuolomne Meadow, right near the river, that is my quiet place where I go in my head when things get to me. It is so beautiful and peaceful. When I die, I want most of my ashes with Tim up near San Gorgonio, maybe some with my Mom and Grandparents in RI, and some near the Tuolomne River in that beautiful spot.

Grief can manifest itself in physical ways, not just emotional. I have never felt the pain I felt when Tim died. I can't describe it, but I hurt. Medical, physical ailments arose as well. Not so much for me as for hubby. I truly believe these issues were brought on by grief. It will mess with your sleep cycle for sure. And we forget to take care of ourselves as we should. I can sit here and tell you to get regular checks by your doctor if you have gone through a traumatic loss. But why? Our brains don't work so well either!

I read an article that I wish I could cite here, but I have been unable to find the article again, so I won't put numbers down here. This study was about the number of car accidents that involved people who were suffering deep grief. I get that. I recall on more than one occasion going someplace, arriving at my destination not remembering any of the trip to said destination! I am not kidding. Scary to think about. Our minds just get so absorbed in our grief, thoughts of our loved one, etc, that we just don't absorb what is happening around us. I recall reading in different grief forums of parents who could not concentrate on a book or even tv show, something they enjoyed before their loss.

My own experience; I got lost in stories, but honestly couldn't tell you if I read anything significant. I slept a lot, hubby lost sleep. And once I got over the initial shock and nausea, I fed my grief. Still feeding it 8 years later.