Rainy days

Misha was very curious about her 1st rainy day.

I enjoy a good rainy day. Maybe because we don't get a lot of them here in Southern California, unless we are having an "El Nino" winter. But sometimes the weather can match my mood. Not always. Sometimes I can be dark and stormy, or just depressed, on a sunny day. No silver lining here. And I can be equally upbeat and happy on a rainy, stormy day. Today I am blue, for different reasons, and we are supposed to have rain.

And that brings me to the subject of triggers. Those things that set you off, releasing new waves of grief. A trigger can be anything. A song, a scent, a movie, a particular day (and I don't mean the obvious birthdays and anniversaries, I mean how a day feels, weather wise and such). And sometimes, a song that might make me cry one day will bring happy memories another. Hormones can play a huge factor as well. Sometimes it is just events in life, a disagreement with someone you love, tension because willful children. And sometimes, it seems nothing at all triggers the onslaughts. There is usually no build up of feelings or awareness (except for the weeks leading up to the birthday or anniversary of their death), just suddenly you are struck down to the depths again. 

Will these things continue all my life? I don't know, but I would guess that yes, they will. Each time I learn a little something new, like how to take care of myself and others around me when they hit. As they say, you just have to roll with the punches.

Peace.